can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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