He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
