his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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