a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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