you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
