Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
