you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
