WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
