I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
should my penis look like a turkey
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
