My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
