come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
vagina is talking i cant
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
