My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
