when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
