I feel great
I just peed on a car
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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