i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
