Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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