She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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