Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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