I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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