ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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