If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
