Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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