im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
