It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
