Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
