her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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