nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
