This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
