Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
high people should be assigned attendants
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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