Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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