That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize