if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize