i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
