well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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