bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
