The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
