My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
