I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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