U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
