I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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