Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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