Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
