She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
