And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
