My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize