Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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