i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
