hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
