I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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