I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
