Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
