At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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