I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize