Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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