He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
