So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
