I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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