By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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