Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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