So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
