i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
