Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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