Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pants are for mortals
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
