making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
