She's JV to your varsity
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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