she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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