The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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