So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
