I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
