Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize