he wants to bone in the snuggie
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
