He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
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ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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