Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
