Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
