No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
