Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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