kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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