I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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