Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
