Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
